Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Where My Heart is Today

Naive by Chris Rice

How long until You defend Your name and set the record right
And how far will You allow the human race to run and hide
And how much can You tolerate our weaknesses
Before You step into our sky blue and say "That’s quite enough!"

Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You to please...hurry?

I hear that a God who’s good would never let the evil run so long
But I say it’s because You’re good You’re giving us more time, yeah
‘Cause I believe that You love to show us mercy
But when will You step into our sky blue
And say "That’s quite enough, and your time is up!"

Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You to please...hurry?

Am I naive...
Can I believe...
And can I bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You, to ask You, to ask You

How long?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Social Butterfly Lands Hard

Although I was quite shy when I was very young, I really came out of my shell when I turned 14 or 15yo. I started singing in public then (school plays, choirs, wedddings, etc) and I suppose the raise in self-esteem made me feel less vulnerable. I also realized that I had my mom's quick wit, so I began to love being the life of the party. ;o)

Anyway, I have cherished my relationships with people. My church family, our homeschool group, the friends I've met through Five in a Row, and even the gals I work(ed) with on the internet on the Stayin' Home and Lovin' It Team...those relationship have meant the world to me. So now that I don't get to cultivate those relationships much, I'm realizing how lonely I am.

First, we moved to a new community about eight years ago, and although for a few years we were quite active with a residential ministry in town, we never really found a church home. We still visit from time to time, but the congregations (though full of wonderful God-lovers) have just made us miss our affiliations an hour away at our old church. I guess we were spoiled by that fellowship, and no other feels the same.

And our life took a turn a couple of years ago, and I am no longer working so closely with my friends over on the FIAR website, so we rarely talk to one another at all. It's no one's fault, just moves people from one chapter in life to the next...and now I feel several pages "off."

My internet business (although I love it madly!) was not making enough money for me, so I had to take a full time job outside the home, and I never have time to chat with my online marketing friends anymore.

But I realized how heartbroken I was when my 15yod came to me yesterday and said that one of her friend in our homeschool group told her that she had heard some of the moms in the group talking, and they were all gossiping about how our dd would probably be "just like her older brother," whom we've had a lot of trouble managing these past few years. He has some severe emotional issues, and although he's not a druggie/drinker, he is quite defiant and has been violent at times.

I couldn't believe what I heard! I felt so bad for her...she's trying so hard to make Godly decisions about her friendships, her future, even choosing not to date or court until she's much older. And for someone to tell her that she'll be judged no matter was just wrong. :o(

So now I have to wonder if us staying in the homeschool group is a very good idea. If we're already being condemned as parents (otherwise why would they assume our dd is going to be "just like him") by the group we really are hoping to find some unconditional love from, should we be around them?

Now, it's possible that this little girl didn't hear what she thinks she heard...or that she's making it up because she knows our situation and thinks this is a topic she wants to talk about. :-/ I don't know. But I'm feeling so disconnected and lonely these days, and this recent issue is just dumping a very bitter icing on a sloppy and condemning cake.

I'm gripping tightly to my Jesus who looks and me and loves me dearly, and knows my heart completely longs to be loved and Him,...and by His children.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A Gentle Nudge...or a smack with a 2 x 4!

Since our homeschooling journey began several years ago, I've been blessed to meet and become good friends with some amazing people. If you've never done so, introduce yourself to some of the vendors who attend your local home educators convention. You will probably find some like-minded lifelong friends.

Anyway, one of my favorite people (and one of the wisest men I know) reminded me today of all the reasoning that went into our decision to homeschool all those years ago. When we started this adventure over 13 years ago, we believed we were called by God to teach them to know Him, love Him and love others. All the other stuff was to be built upon those few principles.

But as the years have gone by, it's become so easy to get bogged down in making sure each child is "doing what they should do" to satisfy some intangible standard apllied to my family by some mystical force "out there." By that, I mean, it's become easy for me to take my eyes off of the most important thing (knowing God, loving God and loving each other) and instead, because of outward (or sometimes inward) pressure to make sure my kids are "smart enough," focus on whether we're teaching the right math, the right history, the right (or enough) language arts.

I can see how that happened. Like most homeschooling parents, I'm bombarded with dozens, if not hundreds, of choices of curriculum. This one helps them learn faster, while that one helps them learn more. This one teaches in a style that makes learning more fun, while that one focuses on rote memorization. And after awhile, the idea of my children being faster, harder, more critical thinkers become quite appealing. And I cave...cave to the pressure to make sure each day that they're "doing enough," insted of building solid, strong and Christ-honoring relationships FIRST and foremost in our home.

So today, thanks to my friend's proverbial 2x4, we focus anew on the heart concepts that set us off down this road all those years ago. And I pray we never lose sight again of what what God has called us to do.

Monday, July 27, 2009

What a difference a YEAR makes!

It's been a good long year since I posted an update about my family here. And the year couldn't have been much crazier. :oP '

I suppose the biggest change has been that I am now working full time outside the home. Yep! After 17 wonderful years of either working from home as an entrepreneur, or not working at all, I am now leaving my kids 40 hours a week. :o( It's been difficult to do, but we just didn't have a choice. My 17yos now attends public school, which he had actually decided to do before I went back to work, so he could play football. But I'm still trying to homeschool my 15yod and 10yos. This has proven to be quite a challenge.

For one thing, my mother is trying to keep the hsing kids on track with some basics while I get used to a new work schedule. When I started working in Feb. I was on a day shift, but now I work 12-hour shifts three or four nights a week. So me being in bed until noon several days a week is pretty common. But Mom does her best to make sure the kids are getting some basics done each day...or close to each day. ;o)

The sleep schedule is really tough, though. For example, everyone's in bed as I type this at 2:23am, except me. ;o) I probably won't go to sleep until at least 4am. Just can't do it. Then, when everyone's up in the morning...I'll be dead to the world. :o( I've been toying with the idea of letting the kids stay up almost as late as I do we'd wake together, but there's no way my mom could do that, and I really need her awake to keep the home fires from burning out of control. LOL

And I'm also considering using a "box" curriculum with the kids this year. Generally speaking, I hate the whole 'textbook-workbook-regurgitation' method of learning, and instead, we use unit studies. The kids enjoy them, too...not just me. ;o) But having lessons all planned out and easy to track right now...that sounds very appealing. :o/ Still thinking about that one. And, my 15yod is definitely getting a reading tutor this year...something my job can pay for. At least it's good for somethin.' ;o)

Well, off to work on the kitchen...yes, at 2:30am.

See ya soon!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Can't believe how long it's been since I posted on my blog.

I'm not sure how many people even visit my blog, to be honest with ya. But I'm very interested in making sure I stay more on top of this thing. It's been over a year since I've been here and made my presence known. I'm so inspired by all of you hsing moms who keep us all informed about what's going on in your lives with your blogs. In fact,...inspired may not be the word. JEALOUS! Yep...jealous is definitely the word. LOL!

I've got a new laptop and have to transfer my photo files over from the old one, then you'll be able to see what's going on in our lives these days. ;o)


Friday, June 6, 2008

The Gang is Headed to Colorado for BAK!

Here's a photo of the guys (and gals) before pulling out and heading to the starting line for this years BAK! They're so excited! ;o)

My hubby is the one in the middle with the bright orange shirt. It's been 20 years since he went on a ride like this, so he's very pumped.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Never heard of these guys!

Not sure where I've been, but I love this. :o) And just so you'll know, I'm a "rock-n-roller" mom. ;o)