A couple of weeks ago, the pastor preached a great sermon on why God allows bad things to happen. And man! I was so pumped when I left the church. I mean, it was just so comforting and made so much sense.
Now, I find myself in a "losing it all" situation (or it feels like that to me), and I can't imagine how Job survived it. What must his faith truly have been like? And why would he even want a relationship with God after having everything stripped away from him?
Am I the only one looking up and saying, "What?! Weren't things bad eNOUGH?! And wasn't I trying alREADY to make things better? To do something RIGHT?! THIS? THIS is Your idea of the LOVING thing?!?"
And I'm ashamed to admit that my walk with God looks more like a swagger...or a stumble...sometimes, than a walk. But here I am...swaying to and fro again. *weep* And in the midst of it, I sense the soft strands of a rope anchored around my waist, and I'm being gently pulled forward, as I stagger down the current path, desperate to avoid land mines and potholes...thoughts and feelings of desertion and fear...shame and guilt...doubt and anger.
Then Job replied to the Lord: "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my cousel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
"You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dus and ashes." Job 42:1-6